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International Union of Cats (I.U.C.)

04/02/2011
union sit in

Backed by the I.U.C. Spock and Zé stage a sit-in due to a recent tuna shortage.

The Official I.U.C. Rules:

1, A half hour break must be taken for every 15 minutes worked. Any human found denying this basic cats’ right will be punished severely.

2, Cats need regular refueling. Three lunch/biscuit breaks are usually required. All three lunch breaks may be taken together if the cat so wishes. Denying this will result in the guilty human being punished severely.

3, Humans are required to provide adequate napping and recreation facilities for the cat. A lack of comfy cat-spots will result in the human being punished severely.

4, A generous supply of snacks and treats should be readily available for the cat to indulge in during work breaks. Tuna, sardines, and/or chewy-meaty cat snacks are good examples. Again, denying these will result in the guilty human being punished severely

5, Discrimination. Any human found to be discriminating against a cat due to any of the above will be punished severely. This includes (but is not limited to) voicing a preference for dogs within hearing of the cat, or the use of words like ‘lazy’, ‘no-good’, ‘flea-bag’ or ‘waste-of-space’ when addressing or discussing the cat.

6, Cats have an indefinite number of sick days and are not required to notify any human if they choose to use one of these days. Humans, see clause 5.

7, All cats require a good health plan. This may be provided by the human or by a ‘pet’* health insurance plan. In any case, as most cats are unwilling to drive, the human will be required to both arrange and transport the cat when veterinarian visits are required. Humans, do not expect to be thanked for this P.A./chauffeur service. After these visits you should refer to clause 4.

8, Punishment. Any cat who feels that (s)he has been denied their rights (as stated here) may exact punishment on the offending human. The cat may choose whichever method of punishment best fits the crime. Usually this will be one of the following: Clawing, biting or loud howling at night resulting in severe sleep deprivation in the human; ‘accidental’ tripping of the human (usually at the top of stairs, while the human is carrying hot beverages) resulting in possible concussion and/or loss of limbs for the human; destruction of the human’s own property which may include delicate clothing, fragile ornaments and anything else which is irreplaceable.

IUC Member BadgeHumans, you have been warned!

* We deeply dislike this word and are offended by its very existence.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. 04/02/2011 5:59 pm

    This I.U.C. proclamation has satisfied due process requirements, we humans can probably agree to at least that. Well, let me amend that by saying that the “fair notice” part of due process has been satisfied. I have questions about the part where humans get the “opportunity to be heard.” Yes, I have questions. No answers. This is *not* a representative democracy.

    • 04/02/2011 7:06 pm

      I had a quick look in the cat dictionary, it jumps from ‘demand’ to ‘demolish’ with no listing for ‘democracy’ at all. I think the humans are out of luck on this one!

  2. 04/02/2011 10:01 pm

    Ha! De truth is out! I suppose “declaration” is in there, tho, right? And “debate” is nowhere to be found? I knew it!

  3. 04/02/2011 11:51 pm

    I’m gonna have to leave this where the humans can see it…

    • 05/02/2011 3:12 pm

      A very good idea Rumbles. In fact, I have made the member badge ‘grabbable’ (is that a word?). It’s on the sidebar. Any cat who wants to show his/her humans exactly who is in charge is welcome to display the I.U.C. badge on their blog and direct their humans to read the rules here.

  4. catfromhell permalink
    05/02/2011 11:37 pm

    Me has found yous!!! Me likes the official IUC Rules and me is going to post them in Mommy and Daddy’s office. Come by and visit me sometime too.
    Penelope CatFromHell

    • 06/02/2011 12:30 pm

      Good on you! Make sure it’s printed in a large font and stuck where they can’t miss it. We humans don’t have the same visual powers that you people do.

  5. 07/02/2011 5:09 pm

    Ahahaha Richter and Paul approve!

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