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20/03/2011

My mother sent me one of those silly emails today. You know, the ones that say ‘Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd:’ before the actual subject. Usually an indication that it contains a film clip of someone falling over or getting injured in some way. But I know my mum and she doesn’t take any stock in ‘chain letter’ emails, so if one of these arrives from her I can assume that it is going to be a good read. And indeed it was!

This one is great. You may have already seen it, but for those of you who haven’t, here it is:

(Disclaimer – I didn’t write this. I have no idea who did but it’s great!)

* * * * *

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE WHO DON’T, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:

* Dear Dogs and Cats:  The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and/or food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

* The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

* I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed.  I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

* For the last time,  there is no secret exit from the bathroom!  If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years–canine/feline attendance is not required.

* Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

To all non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

(1) They live here. You don’t.

(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

* * * * *

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because:

(1)  they eat less,

(2)  don’t ask for money all the time,

(3)  are easier to train,

(4)  normally come when called,

(5)  never ask to drive the car,

(6)  don’t smoke or drink,

(7)  don’t want to wear your clothes,

(8)  don’t have to buy the latest fashions,

(9)  don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and

(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.


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9 Comments leave one →
  1. 20/03/2011 10:58 pm

    I have seen that and I love it and could see it again and again!

    • 21/03/2011 12:53 am

      It’s great, isn’t it! The very last line is my favorite bit.

    • 25/03/2011 8:43 am

      It is kinda cruel the last line. But it made me laugh anyway! 😀

  2. 21/03/2011 9:24 am

    BeWh, I am so glad to have this where I can find it. The bit that stayed in my mind was the sleeping perpendicular | sarcasm. And I’d missed “fur”niture in the prior read. So yes! this one can be saved and re-enjoyed in times of need. You’ve done a public service. As usual.

    • 21/03/2011 9:25 am

      Why do I show up as “Nadbugs,” with my cute little thumbnail of Sr. Bugs (the way I want to be) when I used the Firefox browser, but not in Explorer? One of life’s little mysteries.

    • 21/03/2011 12:41 pm

      Yes, I loved that part too. Also, the end of the bathroom paragraph, ‘canine/feline attendance is not required.’ I love it, it’s just so true!

      Are you logged into your blog account in Explorer? This looks like a comment from a non-WP user. If you commented once without being logged in Explorer has probably saved your details so that you don’t have to enter your name and email every time. I could be wrong, but this is what it sounds like – on Firefox you are logged in, so cute picture shows; on Explorer you are not logged in, so random generated picture and full name shows.

  3. 22/03/2011 8:53 am

    Nailed in one, Eleanor, re the sign-in. Thank you SO much for the use of your brains!

  4. lifewith4cats permalink
    24/03/2011 3:55 pm

    I loved every bit of this post. But especialy the taking up the whole bed part. and the very end.. If they get pregnant you can sell their children. Haha. Thanks also for commenting on my catblog. 🙂

    I think I like Spock the best. He looks like he gets into trouble a lot.

    • 24/03/2011 4:12 pm

      You’re absolutely spot on! Spock is the troublemaker of the family, but he’s so entertaining and adorable with it. His nick-name is Curious George because he always has his face in something or is trying to get into/onto things, monkeying about the place.

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