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Spock & Zé Speak Out

10/06/2011

Today I am merely acting as typist for Spock and Zé. They demanded asked that I transcribe a recent discussion they had:

Spock: …seriously, we need to do something about this!

Zé: We will, we will. Any ideas?

Spock: Well, we could go public.

Zé: Go to the media?!

Spock: Not yet…but we should write a press release.

Zé: Ok. Do you think SHE would post it for us? You know my paws aren’t good at typing.

Spock: Mine neither. I tried once but just got ‘UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU’.

Zé: What were you trying to type?

Spock: I was trying to find out if there’s a local tuna fish delivery service.

Zé: Oh, ok. That was the week you discovered that SHE’s a veggie?

Spock: Indeed! Only getting real, proper meat and fish when THEY decided to buy it for us isn’t the idea situation.

Zé: I’m kind of used to it now… *wistful look*

Spock: Yeh, me too… *equally wistful look*

Zé: So, a press release. Do you want to write it?

Spock: I’ll start…

Fellow cats, it has been brought to our attention that, recently, some rather embarrassing (and compromising) photographs of us were published on the internet. These pictures were taken against our will. We did NOT give consent for them to be published and they are in no way illustrative of our usual weekend activities. Some cats may enjoy dressing up in that manner (though we severely doubt it!), but we certainly did not.

Zé: Good, good. Do you think they’ll believe us? Those photos were pretty damning.

Spock: Hmmmm. We’ll have to talk about what we did to stop it…

Zé: Right!

Of course, as heads of the IUC we knew we could not let ourselves be demeaned in that manner for any longer. If we had submitted that sort of treatment, what kind of message would that have sent to our union members? After the shock had worn off we decided to fight back. It was a 2 pronged approach:

  1. Do everything in our power to stop the strange, big pants from being affixed to our arses.
  2. If this failed, then all efforts should be made to remove the big, strange pants when the people weren’t looking

This plan proved very effective and soon the people stopped trying. We won the battle, but not the war!

Spock: In what way?

Zé: That disgusting medicine and the strange tasting ointment. We didn’t completely stop that.

Spock: No, true. But at least the pants disappeared. That’s the main thing.

Zé: And something else positive happened this week. Remember?

Spock: Oh yes! We got some new IUC members! We’d like to welcome Peaches and Pepsi.

Zé: So are we ready to take over the world yet?

Spock: *wide eyed horror* Shhhhhhhh!

Zé: *cough cough* I mean…errrrrm…are we ready to take over the world wide web yet!

Spock: Not yet, my friend. Soon, soon.

You will all be pleased to know that we did manage to inflict some injuries during the confrontations. Even though our weapons had been blunted, we still made the people bleed!

As we said before; Humans, you have been warned!

IUC_HQ

Zé Yoda & Chico Spock

I.U.C. Founding Members

Zé: Ok, so I guess we’re done here for today. Thank you all for reading this. Please do what you can to remove THOSE pictures from your memories. I mean, really, what was SHE thinking posting those online? *sigh*

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. 10/06/2011 12:50 pm

    Kids: Mistakes will be made. Especially by Beans. Most especially by Medical Beans who lurk in the Very Bad Medical-Type Place. Please. A little empathy for the Beans. You guys can have NO idea what it’s like to be so challenged.

    • 10/06/2011 1:20 pm

      Heard and understood. We’ll not involve the media this time. You understand our position though? You Beans need putting straight sometimes. Did you see the photos? She put them online!!! Oh, the shame!

      Spock (Zé’s asleep at the moment)

  2. 10/06/2011 6:31 pm

    Mommy is srsly rolling around laughing her bum off (which she could use, hmmph.). We’ll let it slide though, on account of she was ALSO srsly HORRIFIED by the strange, big pants affixed to your arses. With holes for your tayuls…oh, for Cod’s sake, there she goes again…

    Say, have you checked lately to see if you came home with all the junk you left with? Might be worth a look.

    • 11/06/2011 11:15 am

      We have checked. In fact I keep checking. They’ve gone and it doesn’t look like they’re coming back!

      And hey!…no more tail holes…you just get those out of your mind right now!

      Spock

  3. lifewith4cats permalink
    11/06/2011 9:18 am

    In honor of your wishes Ill try to forget the big strange pants. But I must tell you, it will be very difficult.

    • 11/06/2011 11:28 am

      Thank you, that’s all we’re asking. We both have reputations to protect, as you know.

  4. 12/06/2011 9:28 pm

    Oh jeez. I’m so glad I stopped back. All this is just hilarious — the very thing I need at the moment. You guys are all great.

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